14 May 2013
in big government, Christian, comedy, conservative, dogs, funny, golf, guns, Jesus, John David Heaton III, jokes, puppies
Tags: big-brother, conservative-politics, corruption, education, entertainment, film flam, free-speech, united-states, vacation, washington
I was going to rage against the criminals we have in Washington, and around the country who give us laws to follow, yet make themselves exempt. Then I said, “What the heck!” Why let a bunch of murderers and film flam artist ruin my life?
It is time to keep life simple and fun. Being a God believing man, I know how the whole story shakes out. This world takes a dive into the crapper, and just as it is about to implode our Lord and Saviour steps in and returns this Earth to the Eden God intended it to be. In the mean time, I got some things to do this summer. Bowling! yes, once again I am bowling two summer leagues. My Tuesday league is pretty amazing. Probably due to the simple fact that the average age of almost all of the bowlers is 112. Not really, but there are many who are the back side of 70. Which is awesome, because many of them are good. I guess it is no wonder why I like golf and bowling, other than the simp[le facts that I am not to shabby at either one, and I can participate for most of my life span.
Also got to get some fishing in this summer. I am going to join a small fishing club that my dad belonged to when he was alive. I will have to give it a once over. River banks tend to attract elements of our society that stink more than my favorite catfish bait. If all goes well though, I picture quite a few days if fishing with my two pups; BillWilly and B.W.. I have to get my money out of them, seeing I spent my retirement savings when they became ill this past year.
I also need to work on some road trips. Still want to get back to Laughlin Nevada for some golf and fishing on the Colorado River. I also want to try my hand at gold panning too.
Guess all in all I don’t have time to worry about junk I have no control over, though I sure I will from time to time. It is just nice to know, that whatever the heck is going on around me, I still will be enjoying myself.
02 May 2013
in Christian, comedy, funny, John David Heaton III, jokes
Tags: entertainment, jokes
These are actual excuse notes from parents (including original spelling):
My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.
Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.
Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.
Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.
Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.
Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.
Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father’s fault.
I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don’t know what size she wear.
Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.
Sally won’t be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.
Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.
Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.
01 May 2013
in cat, Christian, comedy, funny, Jesus, John David Heaton III
Tags: cat, deaf, kitty, whitey
This is Violet, also known as “Whitey”. Why the heck she likes to hang on top of the door is beyond me. I figure since she is deaf, she needs to see as much as she can.
29 Apr 2013
in Christian, comedy, conservative, country music, dogs, gun rights, Jesus, John David Heaton III, satire, second amendment
Tags: conservative-politics, current-events, education, Health, hillbilly
This Merle song is an awesome commentary on today’s life in America. Here is my list of thoughts in no particular order or reason!
Hyphenated American labels: You know, Japanese, Chinese, African. Whatever happened to just being an American of “fill in the blank” decent.
Owning up to your bad choices, and not blaming your mamma, daddy, or position in life….or the color of your skin.
Calling bull crap when somebody says, or does something stupid. To a Christian Conservative like myself, “Stupid” has the same definition as “Porn”. Ya know it when you see it.
Giving thanks in public for the Man upstairs and not giving a rat’s rear what others think.
Buying pants that fit correctly, and don’t have stupid sayings on them. Goes for shirts too.
Not buying clothing that promotes communist or socialist revolutionaries.
Making fun of public figures that cry when they get rolled up for doing something stupid or illegal.
Not being ashamed to fail.
26 Apr 2013
in affimative action, comedy, liberalism, walmart
Tags: craigslist casual encounters, entertainment, free-speech, multi-culti, you-cant-make-this-stuff-up
Geez, disgusting and hilarious all at once. Dude giving hummers at the store. How the heck did he ring this up after going down? Homeboy should change his name to “Falitio” Bills!
Foster Bills, 22, was arrested after Wal-Mart managers contacted state troopers to report that they had received “an anonymous complaint of a male subject performing sexual acts in a secluded location” in the Queensbury store.
The “secluded location” was apparently a Wal-Mart bathroom, and johns were solicited through Craigslist “casual encounters” ads
24 Apr 2013
in comedy, conservative, Jesus, John David Heaton III
Tags: beer consumption, beer drinker, beer goggles, entertainment, Health, hillbilly, professional beer
While Beer Goggles grab all the fame and glory, Beer Shoes is the foundation of any professional beer drinker. Beer Shoes, from here on will be addressed as BS, does all the heavy lifting. They are the pair that gets you to the place beer is sold. Without BS, the fridge would not be stocked, and the ice chest would be for ever lonely.
My BS travel with me where ever I go. They relax in my golf bag during a round, resting up for the 19th hole. Were they gladly appear, replacing the heavy, and some time odorous golf shoes. To sit happily upon my flippers, watching me smoothly consume my frosty beverage buddies, one by one.
They also wait patiently in the trunk, while their owner works his digits to bone. When the light fills the trunk, and they are called into action, they don’t miss a beat. BS have dangers that lurk: gravel, dung, dirt, and the always terminal broken strap. The old saying “Don’t knock a fella til you walk a mile in his shoes” is a good one, but “Never forget the importance of BS” is great!
19 Apr 2013
in Christian, coaching, comedy, conservative, country music, dogs, food, funny, golf, guns, Jesus, John David Heaton III, music, puppies, second amendment
Tags: education, entertainment, fernly nevada, fishing hole, food, free-speech, grapefruit tree, hillbilly, lawn chairs, restaurants, you-cant-make-this-stuff-up
Puppy bellies, beers, beef jerky, no shoes, loud farts, lawn chairs with beer holders, country music playing from a cheap boom box, no shoes, more beer, dogs playing, the smell of lighter fluid on the briquettes, toes in the grass, more beer, peeing on the fence, peeing on the orange tree, more beer, adding enough lighter fluid to the Q to make a mushroom cloud, change Hank jr cd to Hank sr cd, more beer, pee on grapefruit tree, clean the grill over the fire with lighter fluid, pee on the fence again, wash hands and get the meat on the grill, start counting beers that are left, flip meat, more beer, chase dogs from the grill, take shirt off and replace with favorite sleeves shirt that says” Will Work For Beer”, take meat off the grill and into the house, more beer will eat later, scratch puppy bellies, scratch my belly, hike up britches and pee on fence, change cd to Elvis Live at Las Vegas, more beer cause the party is just starting…it is only 7pm!
OK, you get the idea. Lately, I have been looking online at cities that I could move to if they meet the Hillbilly’s standards. Fernly Nevada is looking pretty good. http://www.cityoffernley.org/ I know they have a tavern with karaoke, I need a golf course, bowling alley, and fishing hole.
12 Apr 2013
in Christian, coaching, comedy, conservative, country music, dogs, food, golf, guns, Jesus, John David Heaton III, jokes, music, satire
Tags: beer golf, education, entertainment, foamie, food, free-speech, good ol days, Health, hillbilly, morning coffee, office fridge, playboy magazine, sports
Yup, lets hear it for beer! I have been grinding all week. Three golf matches in extremely windy conditions…..well that ain’t the issue, try three golf matches where I was unable to drink beer afterwards due to the fact the school district does not allow coaches to drink and transport players! Give me the good ol’ days when I was in high school and my building construction teacher kept a twelve pack of Mille High Life bottles in his office fridge. I remember him sending to fetch him an ice pack, and he warned me not to touch his beer. While I did not touch em’, I did stand and stare at em’ like I had found a Playboy magazine. And my history teacher who kept a warm up bottle of bourbon for his morning coffee. Yes, the good old days.
Anyways, I am down to thirty-one working days, which means after today, I am down to six Fridays. Once vacation hits, everyday becomes foamie, and every hour is happy, and this Hillbilly is reminded why he graduated college: To weasel into a job that affords me my chosen lifestyle: Don’t work hard,and make just enough money to drink beer, golf, fish, hit the gym, bbq, and feed the dogs. This is also why God keeps me poor: He knows how dangerous a rich, non-working Hillbilly can be. Charlie Sheem is Charlie Brown compared to me:)
09 Apr 2013
in comedy, food, funny, golf, John David Heaton III
Tags: music, tuesday
OOPs, too busy for a Tuesday post, so here is my salute to Tuesday!