14 Aug 2013
in Christian, comedy, conservative, funny, Jesus, John David Heaton III, jokes
Tags: adult diapers, current-events, education, you-cant-make-this-stuff-up
Not talking about forest or anything like that. Heck, my title is probably confusing to everyone but me. But give me a chance to explain as only a Hillbilly can.
Back in my 20′s and 30′s, and even early forties, when I would be doing myself up for a night, or even a morning on the town, I had a very small to do list; Shower, Shave, and Shit. Brush the choppers, put some smells good on, and this Handsome Hillbilly was unstoppable..up until the 20 plus something beer.
Fast forward to today. Still rock the three “S’s”, but now I have a fighter’s pilot type of check list. Nose and ear hair tamed? Check. If not checked, grab the clippers and razor and go to town. What the hell happened? How does hair decide to expand its domain as I get older? It still grows very well on my bucket, though graying. It also has migrated to my chest and shoulders. I never figured I would be morphing into a human Che-A-Pet.
Here is the kicker: I can’t even grow much facial hair! Except for my dome, and my unmentionables, I am going in for a Nair Dip.
This is a battle I refuse to lose. If I don’t win, I will be hiking my britches up so high, I will have to unzip them to see. I will be dinning at 3pm, and hitting the roost at 7pm. I will also be wearing adult diapers….wait, I would love to wear those bad boys… less time away from my beer:)
13 Aug 2013
in cat, Christian, comedy, conservative, dog, funny, Jesus, John David Heaton III, jokes
Tags: cat, education, entertainment, tink
My cat Tink is a bit miffed about the pups getting all the pub. So as I promised him, here is his picture.
My boy Tink
12 Aug 2013
in Christian, comedy, conservative, dog, funny, Jesus, John David Heaton III
Tags: animals, conservative-politics, education, entertainment
As many of you know, I love dogs. I have often spoken of Bill Willy and B.W.; the two that cost me a fortune and lived on a death-bed for a week or two. But their runt sister, Tula, is healthy as a horse, though as small as a mouse compared to the two boys. And her she is, hanging with me drinking beer and soaking up the country classic tunes.
12 Aug 2013
in Christian, comedy, conservative, funny, Jesus, John David Heaton III
Tags: conservative-politics, current-events, education, entertainment, free-speech, you-cant-make-this-stuff-up
I usually read the labels and instructions from the products I purchase. I notice that most of them, no matter how simple or basic they are, have labels warning people not to do certain things with them. Here are a few I find funny:
Plastic wrap/packaging big enough to wrap your head in: “Warning, placing head in packaging may cause serious injury or death.”
Freshness pack in any pill bottle: “Do not eat. Can cause serious injury.”
Electric hair clippers (I just bought one) “Do not operate in the shower or bath tub. Serious injury or death may result.”
Razor blades. “Warning, sharp.” REALLY?
I know there are a million more examples because there are millions of morons running loose in our streets. Feel freee to add to this list for dumbasses!
08 Aug 2013
in big government, Christian, coaching, comedy, conservative, funny, golf, high school sports, Jesus, John David Heaton III, jokes
Tags: alternative-news-reports, blink of an eye, conservative-politics, crumbling nation, current-events, education, golf season, nfl player, politics, summer vacations, tim tebow
I have grown tired of seeing articles and television programming that focuses on the bad behaviors of people. Lets start with an obvious example: Aaron Hernandez NFL player, thug and murderer. His face and story is everywhere right now. Tim Tebow NFL player, same team as Hernandez, graduated from the same college, all around good guy, and Chritian…nothing but crickets! Unless somebody is knocking him for being too good of a guy.
I know this is nothing new, but my gosh, how many people follow this crap daily, but they don’t give a crap about our crumbling nation? IRS scandle…so what? Forced health care….so what? OK, you know where I am going with this.
Back to my happy place. I am looking forward to my golf season starting in February. Sounds like a long ways off, but it is not. The work year passes in a blink of an eye, as does my summer vacations. Some folks say this is a sign of old age, but I think it is more of a sign of realizing life ain’t all that bad when you focus on the good.
14 May 2013
in big government, Christian, comedy, conservative, dogs, funny, golf, guns, Jesus, John David Heaton III, jokes, puppies
Tags: big-brother, conservative-politics, corruption, education, entertainment, film flam, free-speech, united-states, vacation, washington
I was going to rage against the criminals we have in Washington, and around the country who give us laws to follow, yet make themselves exempt. Then I said, “What the heck!” Why let a bunch of murderers and film flam artist ruin my life?
It is time to keep life simple and fun. Being a God believing man, I know how the whole story shakes out. This world takes a dive into the crapper, and just as it is about to implode our Lord and Saviour steps in and returns this Earth to the Eden God intended it to be. In the mean time, I got some things to do this summer. Bowling! yes, once again I am bowling two summer leagues. My Tuesday league is pretty amazing. Probably due to the simple fact that the average age of almost all of the bowlers is 112. Not really, but there are many who are the back side of 70. Which is awesome, because many of them are good. I guess it is no wonder why I like golf and bowling, other than the simp[le facts that I am not to shabby at either one, and I can participate for most of my life span.
Also got to get some fishing in this summer. I am going to join a small fishing club that my dad belonged to when he was alive. I will have to give it a once over. River banks tend to attract elements of our society that stink more than my favorite catfish bait. If all goes well though, I picture quite a few days if fishing with my two pups; BillWilly and B.W.. I have to get my money out of them, seeing I spent my retirement savings when they became ill this past year.
I also need to work on some road trips. Still want to get back to Laughlin Nevada for some golf and fishing on the Colorado River. I also want to try my hand at gold panning too.
Guess all in all I don’t have time to worry about junk I have no control over, though I sure I will from time to time. It is just nice to know, that whatever the heck is going on around me, I still will be enjoying myself.
06 May 2013
in Christian, Jesus, John David Heaton III
Dad,Me , Mom, and Uncle John Dean circa 1991
It is unfathomable that my dad past 13 years ago this May 7th. The A.D. stands for After Dad! Up until May 7th, of 1997, I never spent more than two weeks apart from dad. I have written much about him over the years, and I have come to realize I write these stories for an audience of one: me. There ain’t a single day, or hour that passes that I don’t think about him.
I realize that on May 7th, 1997 that I lost more than Dad, I lost the ability to create new memories, and stories with him. At some point, I just might run out of material. Thing is, like with the James Bond movies, I can watch them over and over and enjoy them just as much as the first time I ever viewed them. Same with the memories.
01 May 2013
in cat, Christian, comedy, funny, Jesus, John David Heaton III
Tags: cat, deaf, kitty, whitey
This is Violet, also known as “Whitey”. Why the heck she likes to hang on top of the door is beyond me. I figure since she is deaf, she needs to see as much as she can.
29 Apr 2013
in Christian, comedy, conservative, country music, dogs, gun rights, Jesus, John David Heaton III, satire, second amendment
Tags: conservative-politics, current-events, education, Health, hillbilly
This Merle song is an awesome commentary on today’s life in America. Here is my list of thoughts in no particular order or reason!
Hyphenated American labels: You know, Japanese, Chinese, African. Whatever happened to just being an American of “fill in the blank” decent.
Owning up to your bad choices, and not blaming your mamma, daddy, or position in life….or the color of your skin.
Calling bull crap when somebody says, or does something stupid. To a Christian Conservative like myself, “Stupid” has the same definition as “Porn”. Ya know it when you see it.
Giving thanks in public for the Man upstairs and not giving a rat’s rear what others think.
Buying pants that fit correctly, and don’t have stupid sayings on them. Goes for shirts too.
Not buying clothing that promotes communist or socialist revolutionaries.
Making fun of public figures that cry when they get rolled up for doing something stupid or illegal.
Not being ashamed to fail.