14 May 2013
in big government, Christian, comedy, conservative, dogs, funny, golf, guns, Jesus, John David Heaton III, jokes, puppies
Tags: big-brother, conservative-politics, corruption, education, entertainment, film flam, free-speech, united-states, vacation, washington
I was going to rage against the criminals we have in Washington, and around the country who give us laws to follow, yet make themselves exempt. Then I said, “What the heck!” Why let a bunch of murderers and film flam artist ruin my life?
It is time to keep life simple and fun. Being a God believing man, I know how the whole story shakes out. This world takes a dive into the crapper, and just as it is about to implode our Lord and Saviour steps in and returns this Earth to the Eden God intended it to be. In the mean time, I got some things to do this summer. Bowling! yes, once again I am bowling two summer leagues. My Tuesday league is pretty amazing. Probably due to the simple fact that the average age of almost all of the bowlers is 112. Not really, but there are many who are the back side of 70. Which is awesome, because many of them are good. I guess it is no wonder why I like golf and bowling, other than the simp[le facts that I am not to shabby at either one, and I can participate for most of my life span.
Also got to get some fishing in this summer. I am going to join a small fishing club that my dad belonged to when he was alive. I will have to give it a once over. River banks tend to attract elements of our society that stink more than my favorite catfish bait. If all goes well though, I picture quite a few days if fishing with my two pups; BillWilly and B.W.. I have to get my money out of them, seeing I spent my retirement savings when they became ill this past year.
I also need to work on some road trips. Still want to get back to Laughlin Nevada for some golf and fishing on the Colorado River. I also want to try my hand at gold panning too.
Guess all in all I don’t have time to worry about junk I have no control over, though I sure I will from time to time. It is just nice to know, that whatever the heck is going on around me, I still will be enjoying myself.
02 May 2013
in Christian, comedy, funny, John David Heaton III, jokes
Tags: entertainment, jokes
These are actual excuse notes from parents (including original spelling):
My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.
Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.
Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.
Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.
Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.
Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.
Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father’s fault.
I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don’t know what size she wear.
Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.
Sally won’t be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.
Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.
Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.
12 Apr 2013
in Christian, coaching, comedy, conservative, country music, dogs, food, golf, guns, Jesus, John David Heaton III, jokes, music, satire
Tags: beer golf, education, entertainment, foamie, food, free-speech, good ol days, Health, hillbilly, morning coffee, office fridge, playboy magazine, sports
Yup, lets hear it for beer! I have been grinding all week. Three golf matches in extremely windy conditions…..well that ain’t the issue, try three golf matches where I was unable to drink beer afterwards due to the fact the school district does not allow coaches to drink and transport players! Give me the good ol’ days when I was in high school and my building construction teacher kept a twelve pack of Mille High Life bottles in his office fridge. I remember him sending to fetch him an ice pack, and he warned me not to touch his beer. While I did not touch em’, I did stand and stare at em’ like I had found a Playboy magazine. And my history teacher who kept a warm up bottle of bourbon for his morning coffee. Yes, the good old days.
Anyways, I am down to thirty-one working days, which means after today, I am down to six Fridays. Once vacation hits, everyday becomes foamie, and every hour is happy, and this Hillbilly is reminded why he graduated college: To weasel into a job that affords me my chosen lifestyle: Don’t work hard,and make just enough money to drink beer, golf, fish, hit the gym, bbq, and feed the dogs. This is also why God keeps me poor: He knows how dangerous a rich, non-working Hillbilly can be. Charlie Sheem is Charlie Brown compared to me:)
28 Mar 2013
in Christian, Christmas, comedy, conservative, funny, Jesus, John David Heaton III, jokes
Tags: current-events, entertainment, free-speech, hillbilly
One of the upsides working for a public school is not always the amount of time of, but the “Days” off. I am a stickler for Christian Holidays as are many of my co-workers. We make sure to go out of our way to say things like, “Christmas”, and “Easter breaks” instead of “Holiday and “Spring Breaks”.
I am so tired of the pandering to the Whiney Minority. It does not cause cancer to hear our read the words Christmas or Easter. I will take this rant a step further. I am tired og the hyphenated American labels. If I see a dude committing a crime, I am giving a physical description….black, white, Asian, male female, fat, skinny,big Hooters, pointy head, hairy ears, pencil neck, ect…
I wonder if there is a white dude sitting in and African school demanding to be called American-African? Of course not! Only in America can you find folks that are so self loathing, they have to create a racial or religious controversy to distract them from their very own short comings.
27 Mar 2013
in Christian, coaching, comedy, conservative, conservative host, food, golf, John David Heaton III, jokes, satire
Tags: beer, big-brother, current-events, education, entertainment, free-speech, nature, s f bay, san joaquin valley, small planes
Freshly back from a day of high school league golf, and I am ready for another round. At least today’s match will be in a very quiet, secluded venue. Yesterday’s match was a great time, but sadly, the course is bordered by a small plane airport, and a major freeway.
So much for hearing the birds chirp and the leaves rustle gently in the breeze. Nope, small planes, mostly props, taking off for the S.F. bay area every thirty to sixty seconds. It sounds like a fleet of flying lawn mowers taking off. As for the freeway? The main artery from the San Joaquin Valley to San Fransisco and the bay area is the northern border of the course! The only description I can think of is think of the freeway as a pile of poop and sugar, and the cars, and trucks are ants and cockroaches who have tapeworms! They never stop moving.
Now that I think about, the intrusion into our daily, and personal lives by the federal government is much the same. We are the fairways, and the Fed is the ever-present, noisy runway/freeway and those darn bugs are represent politicians/laws that plague us Americans that just want to be left alone on our fairways to play golf. No matter how good or bad we are at the game/life.
Yeah, but what do I know, my claim to fame is being able to eat multiple Habaneros and swig gallons of beer on a Monday morning:)
Sorry for the slight injection of politics, but it has been quite awhile since I went American Terrorist!
25 Mar 2013
in comedy, food, John David Heaton III, jokes
Tags: baking, beer, entertainment, food, food group, Health, hillbilly, pork product, rainy day, sweet potatoes, what the heck, yuk
I am not even sure that there are 10 things I don’t like, but here are the ones that jump into my dome:
Sweet potatoes. Can’t stand them in any way, shape or form.
Ham, yup, I do not like ham. It is the only pork product I don’t like. Give me pickled feet, ears, and the almighty BACON anytime.
SPAM: Don’t know the food group, or what animal this stuff comes from, but eating food that looks like somebody else chewed it ain’t my mug of beer.
Humus: What the heck is this junk? Had it the other day on a cracker. Yuk, rather like the bottom of a diary man’s boot on a rainy day.
Pumpkin: Sweet potato’s rancid cousin!
OK, this is enough for now. I was preparing for lunch but now I think I will have to wait a few minutes to settle my gut worm down:)
BTW, feel free to give me any recipes that make any of the above likable by this Hillbilly…without a case of beer!
21 Mar 2013
in food, funny, Jesus, John David Heaton III, jokes
Tags: food, food challenge, food nation, free-speech, habanero peppers, Health, hillbilly, keystone light, restaurants, travel channel
I think it is the Travel Channel that airs Man vs Food, and now called Man vs. Food Nation. I like to see how different places throughout America shovels up their grub. My favorite shows have the host, Adam Richmond, attempting a “hotter than heck” food challenge. Reason being, is that there is not a dish on the planet that is so hot, that this Hillbilly can’t eat it.
Yeah, I hear it all the time from some of my pals. “You would never be able to handle the infamous Ghost Pepper.” Of course, these are the same chuckle heads that bet me I could not eat 5 fresh Habanero peppers. That earned me a week’s supply of Keystone Light:)
So, back to the show. I was thinking that somebody should go into business making the various meals shown on this show. If you have not seen the show, here is a glimpse:
20 Mar 2013
in Christian, comedy, conservative, country music, John David Heaton III, jokes
Tags: alternative-news-reports, free-speech, hillbilly, liberal-hypocrisy, society
Earlier, I was sitting around shooting the breeze with a buddy who is a year older than me, and graduated from the same high school. While he is more of a “metro-billy,’ we still share many hard-core right values and beliefs. We were discussing the pit falls of, what I call, ” I.I. or “Instant Info.” Especially as it relates to the easy access of porn.
When we were in jr and sr high, we always joked about how we stayed up late the night before to watch Benny Hill in hopes of catching a quick view of a lady’s fun-bags. Sometimes we hit the jack pot when and old copy of Playboy was found in the school’s parking lot. My, how times have changed. Kids getting caught during the school day viewing porn on their phones. I don’t even want to think about what these kids say on social media sites, or what they do with pictures of themselves. Why I am no supporter of Islam, I can understand why many of theses Muslims consider our nation the great Satan.
I am so grateful to The Lord that this garbage was controlled during my youth. Yeah, there were the Adult Theaters, but they were always on the bad side of town, and the patrons kept a low profile. Now days, the theaters are in pockets and purses. The predatory pedophiles roam the net, and the streets, almost unnoticed.
I person can spend a lifetime trying to explain how this has ripped apart, and destroyed the moral fabric of our nation. But It will not change the fact that kids are under assault from this crap. I.I. has its pit falls. I feel sorry that many kids are not given the chance to be kids for a much longer period of time. So here is a big thanks to I.I., and the folks who abuse such a wonderful tool.
As always, God was right: There will be a time when Good is called Evil, and Evil is seen as Good. I sure miss my Atari and Pac-Man game days:(
19 Mar 2013
in funny, Jesus, John David Heaton III, jokes, puppies, satire
Tags: animals, entertainment, hillbilly, vacation
The top picture is Bill-Willy, his two siblings, and mother. The second photo is Bill-Willy with his battle scar. This poor little guy looks a lot worse than he feels. But with the promise of catfishing with me, and his brother all summer long, I think he will be just fine.
15 Mar 2013
in Christian, comedy, golf, Jesus, John David Heaton III, jokes
Tags: clothing, entertainment, fellow golfers, free-speech, hillbilly, John David Heaton III, religion, sports, style
I just have to share a couple of classic, and hilarious things I have witnessed in the past few days. Thankfully, none of them are involve me, beer, and mud. So here they are:
Meth Head Broad riding a multiple speed bike, in first gear peddling a hundred miles wearing sweat pants, tank top, and no shoes. Oh, and she was riding down an overpass, so top speed was about 30 mph. In tweaker miles, it was a 108 mph!
Yellow hat, bright orange shirt, shorts, and shoes. This is what a guy was wearing yesterday on the driving range at the golf course. A couple of thoughts here: Gramps realizes he is of the age he can wear, and do anything he pleases. Two: He is in the California Department of Transportation Hall of Fame. ( These workers wear bright orange uniforms for those of you who are not living in Cali.) Three; he has been so emasculated that his wife now dresses him from head to toe. Thing is, Neon Gramps could pound whitey pretty good. He has a decent swing, so us fellow golfers won’t give him the business about his duds, just give him grief over the fact his wife does not allow him to wear his testicles anymore.