Scratchin My Rear Drinkin’ Beer And Roastin Varmints: Is There Anything Better?

Thanks to my friend Uppity Woman for this tip!

Three Possum Recipes
Possum and Taters

1 young, fat possum
8 sweet potatoes
2 tablespoons butter
1 tablespoon sugar

Directions: First, catch a possum. This in itself is excellent entertainment on a moonlight night. Skin the possum and remove the head and feet. Be sure to wash it thoroughly. Freeze overnight either outside or in a refrigerator. When ready to cook, peel the potatoes and boil them tender in lightly salted water along with the butter and sugar. At the same time, stew the possum tender in a tightly covered pan with a little water. Arrange the taters around the possum, strip with bacon, sprinkle with thyme or marjoram, or pepper, and brown in the oven. Baste often with the drippings.

Stuffed Possum

1 possum (whole)
1 qt. cold water
1/8 cup salt
5 beef bouillon cubes
2 bay leaves
3 celery stalks (chopped)
2 onions (sliced)
1 bag packaged stuffing

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Soak possum in cold salt water for 10 hours. Rinse meat in cold water and refrigerate 2-4 hours. Prepare stuffing according to package directions. Stuff possum cavity with prepared packaged stuffing. Close cavity tightly. Place stuffed possum in roasting pan, add water, bouillon cubes, bay leaves, celery and onion. After 2 hours turn meat. Reduce heat to 300 degrees. Cook for 1 more hour. Test roast, if not done reduce heat and cook until done.


Cajun Possum Chili – NUCLEAR HOT !!!

Tomatoe Sauce (depends on possum)
1 tsp.-1 cup Chili Powder (Depends on Taste and possum)
1 Large possum or 3 small (If you ran over the possum better make it 4)
1 large pot or two large ones if the first isn’t enough.
5-10 chili peppers (depends on taste and possum)
5-10 red peppers (depends on taste and possum)
5-10 jalapenio peppers (depends on taste and possum)
How ever much Cayenne Pepper you like, it depends on your taste and possum.
1 tsp. Black Pepper
a pinch of salt
Chili Beans for extra flavor
And whatever other ingredients that are hot and spicy you would like to add.

1. Skin possum(s)
2. Remove internal organs, head, claws, and bones. There is no flavor or use for these. But if you want to add them, Go ahead.
3. Put some tomatoe sauce in the pot(s). Then add the possum.
4. Chop peppers
5. Skip step four if you don’t want chopped peppers; it doesn’t matter.
6. Put the rest in and let set for a long dang while.
7. Before serving make sure you have enough bread, Milk, and Toliet paper for after dinner.
8. Serve. Enjoy
9. Race for bathroom. Whoever is first will make a large stench. Have enough air freshner.
Serving size of Meal-depends on how much you put in and on the possum.

Warning-You’re a redneck if you try this. (Either that or you like really hot chili.) May cause sudden urges to go to the bathroom. May cause burned tongues and mouths. May cause severe indigestion!! —Anonymous

Dave Baker
Lakeland, Florida

Collected by Bert Christensen
Toronto, Ontario

9 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Jennifer
    Dec 15, 2011 @ 04:13:17

    LOL there’s no way I could catch a possum. I can barely catch a ball!


  2. The Rat
    Dec 15, 2011 @ 06:34:10

    Okay, I could not handle “possum.” BUT…I LOVE THE TITLE.


  3. The Conservative Hill Billy
    Dec 15, 2011 @ 09:01:33

    Jennifer, actually, possums really do play dead if you pester them enough. They look mean, and have some narly choppers. There feet look like a babys’ hand. There are a lot of them around here, so if our society ever implodes, these little fellas are going to be mighty popular.
    And Rat, once the possum runs out, rats will be next on the off the grid menu!


  4. ProudMilitaryMom
    Dec 15, 2011 @ 09:51:39

    Possums- nasty vile disease carrying pests. My dog kills them on sight. along with woodchucks and the odd raccoon.

    One pot campfire (or grill) Hillbilly stew
    One pound meat of your choice- chuck steak is my preference- but you could use varmint. Cut into bite sized cubes
    Four good sized potatoes
    Six carrots
    Two onions- more if you like them
    Couple of cloves of garlic- more if you like
    Flour for dredging
    Salt and pepper
    bacon grease or other oil or fat
    Spices that you like- if you want hot and spicy- add a habanero or two. Or chili powder. I like cumin and chili powder
    Salt and pepper the meat. Mix your ground spices with the flour. Dredge meat lightly in flour mixture.
    In a sturdy stew pot or dutch oven, heat the fat or oil. Toss the meat in and brown on all sides. Might have to do this in batches- the meat pieces should not be crowded in the bottom of the pan.
    Once all the meat is nicely browned- add onions and garlic- and peppers if you are using them- cook until onions are translucent. Do not burn garlic! Add liquid to just cover the meat. You can use water, stock- or for a really dark and rich gravy- use a dark beer. Bring to a simmer- DO NOT boil. (makes the meat tough) Cover and allow to simmer slowly- for about an hour.
    While meat is simmering, prepare carrots and potatoes. After an hour check the meat with a fork- if it is coming on to tender, add the carrots. After 15 minutes add the potatoes. Continue simmering until vegetables are fork tender.
    I serve this with biscuits- but that is another lesson.


  5. Uppity Woman
    Dec 15, 2011 @ 11:36:51

    Possums are just the nastiest little bastages ever. And if you are finally forced to shoot one, don’t use a small caliber because they bounce right off of them or something. I live in a city and recently we have grown to enjoy possums, if you know what I mean. I had never seen a possum until one night when my dog alerted that there was a creature out there that wasn’t a cat. She does that with skunks. Don’t ask me how. Anyways, I looked out on the back deck and saw what I thought was a big grey stray cat, so I opened the door and hit it a bit when I did, to see if the poor thang wanted some food. Then it turned it’s head sideways and had this big rate nose. Then I saw it’s red eyes and freaked. The thing kinda hissed and it looked like it had four thousand teeth! My dog was like LEMMIE AT EM!. Anyways, my heart was nearly stopping because I was sure it was a mutant rat, till one of my country friends laughed at me online when I described it. And that was my first date with a possum, who later hung from my tree the following day. Anways, one night a few weeks later, I was going out the door with my dog for a late night walk and I never saw the thing there in the corner. But my dog did. SHe grabbed the thing by the neck and, pretty much there was a possum funeral. It was winter, so I threw the thing on my land overnight as an example for the other possums and it was pretty much frozen stiff by the time I hauled it into the trash.

    I hope possums taste good because, alive, they are one FUGLY creature.

    John if you put it in a pot with the right spices and some of the boxed red wine, you could use Julia Child’s Boeuf Bourguignon recipe and dine in class.


  6. whiteladyinthehood
    Dec 19, 2011 @ 11:49:49

    For real? Your joking right?


  7. whiteladyinthehood
    Dec 19, 2011 @ 15:24:57

    Some of my neighbors killed a racoon to eat once…but I have never heard of eating possum. You have a really funny blog. I enjoyed reading and laughing.


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