A Hillbilly’s Christmas List: Most Of This Stuff Is Yet To Be Invented

There is probably a very good reason these product are not around. I will let you be the judge.

Brown, reversible underwear. Tell me this does not solve almost all of the issues that arise come laundry time.
A belt buckle with a can/bottle opener on the back. This does exist because the hillbilly had one as a kid. I would come home from school, grab a bottle of pop, some cookies, and head out to the field with my dog, and sit under the tree. This was before the twist off bottles. Me and the dog would share swigs, and cookies, and for dessert I usually had a Blo-Pop that we would also share. I never thought about the pup getting cavities until now.

Three rolls of duct tape. Hey, this needs no “splain” Lucy. This stuff can be used by plumbers, and gut surgeons. From astronauts to wrecking yard workers. If Duct Tape was president, the country would be shits and giggles, and full of free beer.

Jeans with extra material around the inside crotch area. Because no matter how us guys wiggle, and dance, shake, and pull, the trouser trout always becomes a sharp shooter with the last drop. Then we are stuck trying to find a way to dry the spot before leaving the pee-shack.

Lastly, I want an enclosed, refrigerated beer holder in my truck. I hate when I have a beer riding commando with me, and I get stuck in traffic. He can’t go back to the cooler, because once they make the major league, it is against the beer code to demote. So this product would plug into the lighter, something that newer fancy horseless buggies either don’t have, or are used to charge something owned by metro-non-sexual dudes.

Ok, this is my list for now, but it is nowhere near complete. I still have 10 days before Santa-Billy stumbles down the chute, for his pork rinds and Keystone.