Darn Typical Liberals!


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Typical Friday for the unemployed liberal

10:29 Wake up to the alarm clock blaring Air America Radio.

10:42 Shower with hemp shampoo and pumice stone.

11:00 Towel dry hair put on pajama pants, tie dye t-shirt and slip into Birkenstocks.

11:05 Brisk walk with little dog to Starbucks, order ‘café of the day’ and scour the Modesto Bee for the op-ed pages.

12:15 Places op-ed back in communal pile on table #3, grabs want-ads, places under arm and returns home.

12:20 Change bird cage liner with newly acquired want-ads and flips on CNN. Proceed to tell parents how G.W.B. jr is still screwing you, and how Fox News is doing the same.

2:45 Trudges towards mailbox, stubs toe, curses George W. Bush and collects unemployment check from mail drop. Back inside on the couch for a nap. Dream about the days of past wealth,work, and living the life.

6:00 Awoken by telephone. Informs potential employer that interview next Monday is out of the question! Slams phone down, blames George W. Bush for losing another job, mutes CNN and turns on Air America radio on the stereo.

6:38 Microwaves two Soy Burgers and pours a glass of boxed red wine.

7:15 Friend calls and offers job. Job declined because starting salary is less than unemployment check. Blames George W. Bush for losing two jobs in one day.

7:30 Becomes educated on topics of the day by surfing moveon.org, michaelmoore.com, dnc.org (et.al.).

9:00 Writes on blog how everything GOP,conservative, and GWB jr is keepin them down.

9:15 Log on to Scam.com/politics, blame conservatives for all of life’s problems and condemn George W Bush for everything else.

2:38 Finish off the box of cheap wine, approach the life-sized cardboard cutout of Nietzsche and kiss him goodnight

7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. sheafferhistorian
    Mar 30, 2012 @ 12:00:34

    Didn’t Air America go under?

    Reply

  2. The Conservative Hill Billy
    Mar 30, 2012 @ 12:04:49

    Yes! I am not sure how old, or where this came from. Just substitute in Rachel Maddow and his brother Keith Obberman!

    Reply

  3. run4joy59
    Mar 30, 2012 @ 13:05:43

    haha…I must be the atypical employed liberal…

    5 am alarm goes off

    5:10 brush teeth with Crest toothpaste, take quick shower, towel off with cheapie towel from WalMart

    5:20 rush thru dressing, applying make up, styling hair

    5:40 stumble downstairs to kitchen to feed ungrateful cat (seriously, is that shrimp in that food that you won’t eat???)

    5:45 throw whole wheat bread in toaster, pull jar of Jif peanut butter out of cabinet, pour glass of non-organic oj, scarf down breakfast while checking my favorite blogs online

    6:00 take dishes to kitchen, refill cat water bowl, pack lunch (mmm…tuna salad on whole wheat and a banana…again, non-organic…grab bottle of diet Pepsi out of fridge so I can have some caffeine and fizz to start a long day at work)

    6:10 rush out door to my 2006 Chevy Malibu…join the mob trying to make it to work on time

    6:25 pull into parking lot at work where I proceed to wait on my boss to get there

    6:30 to whenever I’m fortunate enough to get out: WORK!!

    4:00 (or thereabouts) sit down at computer to see what’s happening in the world…check in on your blog…decide to let you see how an atypical liberal’s day goes…pretty exciting, huh?

    Reply

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