I’ve Got Nothin’

Ever have one of those days when you feel like blogging, but nothing jumps out of your dome and onto the screen? Today is that day for me. I really got nothin’ due to the simple fact I am still staying away from anything political. Don’t worry, I still have crazy amounts of farm stories from my earlier days as little Hillbilly, but I am not digging into it like a tick on a hounds ear!

Maybe it has something to do with the sunny 70 degree weather today, or the fact I am heading out to golf practice in a few short minutes.

I Want Ensteins Theory On This

hillbilly backyard

I carry my vast amounts of work keys on a key chain attached to a lanyard. There are times when one or more keys get wedged into smaller loops. I can not untangle them unless I shake the entire chain. Why the heck can’t I pull one single key through a hoop? Bench press 300 lbs? No problem,drive a golf ball 310 yards…got it covered. One jammed up key? Shuts down the Hillbilly. If I am Beer-influenced, all Hell really breaks loose!!!

Still In Blackout Mode And Norma My Pet Chicken

No, no, no, I am not making another beer reference…yet! I am talking about my political news black out. It is an amazing fact that life is quite fun when I dumb myself down. It allows my very high functioning CPU to work on other things. Like spending more time outdoors with the dogs in the backyard. Getting my fishing gear in order for this summer; watch out catfish, the Hillbilly is coming for ya! Cleaning out the garage, though there ain’t much to move other than the dust. I have also spent many an hour watching my james Bond Marathon Theatre, seeing I have all the movies.

I also find I steer clear of political topics in conversations I have with my beer drinking pals down at the watering hole. More time to discuss sports, food, beer and such. It is, and has been a nice break, and one I think I am going to continue for bit longer. There is one draw back to this Blackout of mine: I really miss pissing off people, well the ones I meet for the first time.

OK, now for a Hillbilly Moment. Growing up on the farm, I always had plenty of animals, especially chickens. During the spring, it was not uncommon to have 20-30 baby chicks hatch. Sometimes, there would be a chick that was a slacker. So I always checked the pile of un-hatched eggs to make sure everyone who was alive, made it out. I can remember th foul, bitter smell of the rotten egg! I used to chuck the un-exploded ones like a grenade against the rabbit barn. I could always tell which had a bird by gently shaking the egg. These I would crack and peel slowly, sometimes having to put them in a bowl, to dry the chick out in the sun. After a few hours, they would pop to life and join the rest in the brood. But there was one that, for some reason, a piece of the shell stuck to her little leg. I must have tugged a bit too hard, and broke her leg. I went and retrieved a tooth pick and some duct tape so I could make a splint

Mundane Monday

Not much to see here, just move along and await the arrival of Tedious Tuesday. Then Woeful Wednesday can hang around for a 24 hour stay. But alas, Thunderous Thursday will come to save the work week, which is sadly, a full 5 days for the nest few weeks. Then, my most beloved Foamie Friday uplifts its very lovely head and makes all things right once again in the Hillbilly’s universe.

Bottom line, 5 day work weeks blow! 🙂

Foamie Friday

Yes, it is once agin Friday. I do not have to work overtime which means I can spend time with Beer. Beer is a great friend. Always there when I need em’, never says no when I need help moving or painting the house. Does not try to romance my lady. Loves to spend the day with me no matter what I am doing. My dogs love em’, the dumbass neighbors stay even further away when we are together, and once a month, Beer provides me with cash, a.k.a recycling!

So lets hear it for Beer!

” I Have Never Swung A Baseball Bat”

I have heard this response for almost all of my six season of coaching golf. Every season I get golfers who have never picked up a club, so after I show them how to grip the thing, I asked them to swing it like they are hitting a pitched baseball. The title of this thread is almost always the response I get! I am talking never. If I was able to transport myself back to the 1950’s,60’s, 70’s, 80’s, and even as recent as the 90’s, I doubt I would hear this as much as I do. So what the hell happened?

In my un-humble opinion, I am going with video games and the internet as the culprits. As for video games? I have played them since Pong first came onto the scene. Played them through college, and even to this day, I play Tiger Woods’s golf on the Play Station. Thing is, it does not take the place of my physical activities. I had one player a few years back actually tell me he worked on his golf game all weekend long. I was thinking he spent hours at the driving range grinding away. Nope, he told me he played Wii golf! As for the Inter-Net? It is as addictive as any drug and it is virtually free. Kids, as well as adults, are able to create a universe where they are god. Almost any behavior is acceptable, and there is virtually no accountability for any actions. Like being a kid sans parents. So why would kids want to leave their insulated domain and venture into the real world of physical activity?

Don’t know if I have an answer to this. I know when I was a kid I would take a hand full of golf balls and hit them from the back yard to the furthest fence post fo our three acre farm. I would walk to them with my dog Mandy, and hit them back. I would repeat this for hours, five to seven days a week during the summer. I would also spend hours a day bouncing a tennis ball off of the water-pump house to sharpen my defensive skills for baseball.

I guess for a kid who has never swung a bat, the answer is “Well it is about time you tried it.” Of course, with me, they are swinging a golf club. I guess they gotta put down the controller, or mouse and start

Random Thoughts About Nothing

I am having a “Seinfeld” type of day. Why do women wear britches with slogans like ” Baby Doll” or “Princess” slapped on the rear? Usually the gals wearing them should have “Wide Load” or “Barking Spiders” posted.

Why do guys wear matching jeans and shirts that have beads and studs all over them? I get the fact that young kids think they are cool, but I am talking mid 30ish dudes rocking this crap. Yup, I bet all the best ladies are beating a path to date these geeks!

What’s with the “Shark Boy” hair cuts? Guys grease these things up and put on their beaded clothes. What the hee ever happened to a pair of 505’s, a Polo shirt, and some Sperry’s? Oh, that’s right, we don’t live in our parents’ basements and play “Dungeons and Dragons.”

What going on with the current selection of T.V. shows? Has there got to be a fairy, and a stupid white guy in every one of them? Give me The Rockford Files and Magnum P.I. back. Real men with good hearts and no hankerings for a ” Man-Bride.”

Why does every commercial that cast an actor to be a criminals have to be white? If you have not noticed, you will now.

Speaking of commercials, what the heck are the two bath tubs doing in the Cialis ads? Maybe the guy is playing “Das Boot”, or he is telling his gal, ” Look, no hands”

Is it just me, or is the Most Interesting Man in the world from the beer ads the just a buzzed bastard that sticks his snout into everybody’s business? I swear I have sat next to him many times over the years.

Why would you have to tell anybody not to eat yellow snow? How would Stevie Wonder know the difference?

Why doesn’t Big Foot look for us?

Why do space aliens always butt probe people? Have they not already figured out most humans are full of crap already? Maybe they are trying to help us out by plugging the hole? Wait, I think there are a group of guys in a S.F. bath house working on the same thing.

Why do friends never tell us when we have a booger dangling from our nose, or food in our teeth? That’s right, it ain’t as much fun.

If 3 out of 4 doctors recommend something, is the one who does not smarter than the others?

Another 4 day Work Week

Just finished another terrific 3-day weekend. Weather was nice; 70 degrees and sunny during the day. One of the few good things about living in California. I decided to hit some golf balls at the range on Monday…and so did nearly a 100 of my good friends! Looks like the weather is going to get cold for the next few days. I guess it is my fault for washing the truck.

So I am starting another week of “political blackout” which is great. I figure if I don’t hear the crap going down, it ain’t there:) I will just focus on my golf season, and my intense love of beer. And hope I don’ get hit by a frigging meteor!

Super Friday: Another 3 Day Weekend

Gotta love Febuary. Short work month that has two holidays! I am sure my sponsor; Coor’s love it as much as I do! So beer me up!

Gravity And The Hillbilly: Gravity Hurts

Growing up, I was always falling down, or more precisely, off of something. Thank the Lord that He blessed some of us with quick reflexes. I will tell you about one of my best tumbles as a tyke. We had a chicken house on our family’s property. This is a building that had rooms of roughly 15ft by 20 ft. The entire building was more than 300ft long. The structure was built-in the early 40′, so when I was Hillbillying the place up, it was nearly 40 years old. I would climb a tree that overhung the roof, and then leap, like a flying squirrel onto it. I would run the entire length of the coop for unknown reasons. I am guessing I was unknowingly honoring my “Free Beer” running skills.

So one day I am doing this, with my dog Albert following along on the ground, when the roof gave way. I am sure the dog was saying, “DUMBASS”. As dumb Hillbilly luck would have it, my feet landed on a rafter about 5ft below. Seeing that I was already 5ft 7 inches at the time, I sank up to my arm pits. Of course, I had my diet Pepsi in my right hand, and never spilled a lick of it. This is one genetic trait all us Hillbilly, Hicks, and Rednecks share. We fall,tumble, stumble, and rumble, but we never spill our drink, nor do we incur any major injury to our persons:)

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