Puppy bellies, beers, beef jerky, no shoes, loud farts, lawn chairs with beer holders, country music playing from a cheap boom box, no shoes, more beer, dogs playing, the smell of lighter fluid on the briquettes, toes in the grass, more beer, peeing on the fence, peeing on the orange tree, more beer, adding enough lighter fluid to the Q to make a mushroom cloud, change Hank jr cd to Hank sr cd, more beer, pee on grapefruit tree, clean the grill over the fire with lighter fluid, pee on the fence again, wash hands and get the meat on the grill, start counting beers that are left, flip meat, more beer, chase dogs from the grill, take shirt off and replace with favorite sleeves shirt that says” Will Work For Beer”, take meat off the grill and into the house, more beer will eat later, scratch puppy bellies, scratch my belly, hike up britches and pee on fence, change cd to Elvis Live at Las Vegas, more beer cause the party is just starting…it is only 7pm!
OK, you get the idea. Lately, I have been looking online at cities that I could move to if they meet the Hillbilly’s standards. Fernly Nevada is looking pretty good. http://www.cityoffernley.org/ I know they have a tavern with karaoke, I need a golf course, bowling alley, and fishing hole.
Yup, lets hear it for beer! I have been grinding all week. Three golf matches in extremely windy conditions…..well that ain’t the issue, try three golf matches where I was unable to drink beer afterwards due to the fact the school district does not allow coaches to drink and transport players! Give me the good ol’ days when I was in high school and my building construction teacher kept a twelve pack of Mille High Life bottles in his office fridge. I remember him sending to fetch him an ice pack, and he warned me not to touch his beer. While I did not touch em’, I did stand and stare at em’ like I had found a Playboy magazine. And my history teacher who kept a warm up bottle of bourbon for his morning coffee. Yes, the good old days.
Anyways, I am down to thirty-one working days, which means after today, I am down to six Fridays. Once vacation hits, everyday becomes foamie, and every hour is happy, and this Hillbilly is reminded why he graduated college: To weasel into a job that affords me my chosen lifestyle: Don’t work hard,and make just enough money to drink beer, golf, fish, hit the gym, bbq, and feed the dogs. This is also why God keeps me poor: He knows how dangerous a rich, non-working Hillbilly can be. Charlie Sheem is Charlie Brown compared to me:)
Freshly back from a day of high school league golf, and I am ready for another round. At least today’s match will be in a very quiet, secluded venue. Yesterday’s match was a great time, but sadly, the course is bordered by a small plane airport, and a major freeway.
So much for hearing the birds chirp and the leaves rustle gently in the breeze. Nope, small planes, mostly props, taking off for the S.F. bay area every thirty to sixty seconds. It sounds like a fleet of flying lawn mowers taking off. As for the freeway? The main artery from the San Joaquin Valley to San Fransisco and the bay area is the northern border of the course! The only description I can think of is think of the freeway as a pile of poop and sugar, and the cars, and trucks are ants and cockroaches who have tapeworms! They never stop moving.
Now that I think about, the intrusion into our daily, and personal lives by the federal government is much the same. We are the fairways, and the Fed is the ever-present, noisy runway/freeway and those darn bugs are represent politicians/laws that plague us Americans that just want to be left alone on our fairways to play golf. No matter how good or bad we are at the game/life.
Yeah, but what do I know, my claim to fame is being able to eat multiple Habaneros and swig gallons of beer on a Monday morning:)
Sorry for the slight injection of politics, but it has been quite awhile since I went American Terrorist!
I am not even sure that there are 10 things I don’t like, but here are the ones that jump into my dome:
Sweet potatoes. Can’t stand them in any way, shape or form.
Ham, yup, I do not like ham. It is the only pork product I don’t like. Give me pickled feet, ears, and the almighty BACON anytime.
SPAM: Don’t know the food group, or what animal this stuff comes from, but eating food that looks like somebody else chewed it ain’t my mug of beer.
Humus: What the heck is this junk? Had it the other day on a cracker. Yuk, rather like the bottom of a diary man’s boot on a rainy day.
Pumpkin: Sweet potato’s rancid cousin!
OK, this is enough for now. I was preparing for lunch but now I think I will have to wait a few minutes to settle my gut worm down:)
BTW, feel free to give me any recipes that make any of the above likable by this Hillbilly…without a case of beer!
I think it is the Travel Channel that airs Man vs Food, and now called Man vs. Food Nation. I like to see how different places throughout America shovels up their grub. My favorite shows have the host, Adam Richmond, attempting a “hotter than heck” food challenge. Reason being, is that there is not a dish on the planet that is so hot, that this Hillbilly can’t eat it.
Yeah, I hear it all the time from some of my pals. “You would never be able to handle the infamous Ghost Pepper.” Of course, these are the same chuckle heads that bet me I could not eat 5 fresh Habanero peppers. That earned me a week’s supply of Keystone Light:)
So, back to the show. I was thinking that somebody should go into business making the various meals shown on this show. If you have not seen the show, here is a glimpse:
I am not quite sure if I have ten favorite eats…maybe less, might be more. But here is a list of stuff I love to fill my boiler with.
Rib-Eye steak from the grill. I don’t even need any side fixins with this chunk of bovine. About 5-7 minutes a side, and let the blood flow when I bite into it.
A-1 Sauce sandwich. Yup, I love the A-1! I can even swig it from the bottle in a hunger frenzy. A couple of slices of toasted wheat bread, and a healthy pour and I am off to the races. It also works great with a king size dinner roll. Just smash a hole into the roll, and fill with the sauce. Good times.
Grilled jalapenos stuffed with Habaneros peppers. This is a Hillbilly staple. Buy the biggest jalapenos you can get, crop the tops, and stuff the Habaneros in. Put in foil, add a copious amount of butter, and grill. This is insanely good, and hot to boot. Will leave you drooling uncontrollably.
Chocolate cake in a bowl of milk. So flippin good that there is nothing left to say but “give me more”!
Oysters; raw or grilled. Just put them in hot suace and get the party started.
Bacon and Mayo sandwich. Got to be on white bread.
Canned sardines in hot mustard sauce.
Cottage cheese mixed with A-1 sauce. Told you I love the A-1.
OK, I just have made myself to darn hungry to carry on. I am going to bust into my lunch pail right now and have some canned Mackeral and Thousand Island Dressing. No, I will not share. 🙂
Proud Military Mom's Common Sense Blog
Just a working class, empty nesting, life long Democrat disgusted with the DNC, the Democratic Party, the ‘RULZ’ Committee and the power brokers who think we should all fall in line and vote for the selectee. Country before party every time!
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Right Wing Theocrat
Yes liberals, your worst nightmares about Conservatives, Christian theocracies, gun toting, hanging pedophiles, lowering taxes, burning your pot, making you work and all that are really true.
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theconservativehillbilly 
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