When Dreams Don’t Rock

Let me make this perfectly clear (I am using my Nixon voice) when I had this dream I had not been guzzling suds, smoking hippie lettuce, licking frog bellies, or hanging by the neck naked playing tug-o-war with cyclops. This was a good ol’ fashion dream.

The dream took place in what appeared to be a tavern with a stage. Yeah, like I have been in a pace like this before. Up on stage were Waylon Jennings, Hank jr. and Merle Haggard. Jr is singing “A Country Boy Can Survive”, Waylon is playing a huge slide guitar, and Merle is banging a tambourine. Don’t ask me why, he just is. I am sitting at a table with their album cover, and the entire scene is playing on a small screen that is built into the cover. Under the screen are the words “Sneak Peak.”
All of a sudden Hank finishes with his tune, and Merle starts sining a Marty Robbin’s tune; “I Walk Alone.” And he sounds just like Marty. There is actually a video of these two on Marty’s t.v. show were Merle does this, and does it very well.

Sadly I wake up, and realize that I was not really in this honky tonk listening to my country favorites. This ranks in the top three of my all time favorite dreams that does not involve beer and reverseable under wear.

Why Ban Chem Warfare?

I have been attempting to stay away from anything political lately, but this thought shot through my cranium on the way to work: Chem weapons, if developed properly, are much more efficient and less destructive than conventional bombs and bullets. Plus, they are actually “Green Warfare.” It takes a lot less fossil fuels to rebuild after a chem attack than a regular or “smart bomb” raid.

I would think chemical weapons would be the weapon of choice in a civil war.

Just a tid-bit of information we are not hearing much about from Syria: There are two major gas pipelines that both Russia and ourselves are deeply interested in. Makes you go HMMM?

Old Growth And A Fighter Pilot’s Check List

Not talking about forest or anything like that. Heck, my title is probably confusing to everyone but me. But give me a chance to explain as only a Hillbilly can.

Back in my 20’s and 30’s, and even early forties, when I would be doing myself up for a night, or even a morning on the town, I had a very small to do list; Shower, Shave, and Shit. Brush the choppers, put some smells good on, and this Handsome Hillbilly was unstoppable..up until the 20 plus something beer.

Fast forward to today. Still rock the three “S’s”, but now I have a fighter’s pilot type of check list. Nose and ear hair tamed? Check. If not checked, grab the clippers and razor and go to town. What the hell happened? How does hair decide to expand its domain as I get older? It still grows very well on my bucket, though graying. It also has migrated to my chest and shoulders. I never figured I would be morphing into a human Che-A-Pet.

Here is the kicker: I can’t even grow much facial hair! Except for my dome, and my unmentionables, I am going in for a Nair Dip.
This is a battle I refuse to lose. If I don’t win, I will be hiking my britches up so high, I will have to unzip them to see. I will be dinning at 3pm, and hitting the roost at 7pm. I will also be wearing adult diapers….wait, I would love to wear those bad boys… less time away from my beer:)

Makin’ A Stink About Tink

My cat Tink is a bit miffed about the pups getting all the pub. So as I promised him, here is his picture.

My boy Tink

Why Does Bad Sell So Good?

I have grown tired of seeing articles and television programming that focuses on the bad behaviors of people. Lets start with an obvious example: Aaron Hernandez NFL player, thug and murderer. His face and story is everywhere right now. Tim Tebow NFL player, same team as Hernandez, graduated from the same college, all around good guy, and Chritian…nothing but crickets! Unless somebody is knocking him for being too good of a guy.

I know this is nothing new, but my gosh, how many people follow this crap daily, but they don’t give a crap about our crumbling nation? IRS scandle…so what? Forced health care….so what? OK, you know where I am going with this.

Back to my happy place. I am looking forward to my golf season starting in February. Sounds like a long ways off, but it is not. The work year passes in a blink of an eye, as does my summer vacations. Some folks say this is a sign of old age, but I think it is more of a sign of realizing life ain’t all that bad when you focus on the good.

What The Heck

I was going to rage against the criminals we have in Washington, and around the country who give us laws to follow, yet make themselves exempt. Then I said, “What the heck!” Why let a bunch of murderers and film flam artist ruin my life?

It is time to keep life simple and fun. Being a God believing man, I know how the whole story shakes out. This world takes a dive into the crapper, and just as it is about to implode our Lord and Saviour steps in and returns this Earth to the Eden God intended it to be. In the mean time, I got some things to do this summer. Bowling! yes, once again I am bowling two summer leagues. My Tuesday league is pretty amazing. Probably due to the simple fact that the average age of almost all of the bowlers is 112. Not really, but there are many who are the back side of 70. Which is awesome, because many of them are good. I guess it is no wonder why I like golf and bowling, other than the simp[le facts that I am not to shabby at either one, and I can participate for most of my life span.

Also got to get some fishing in this summer. I am going to join a small fishing club that my dad belonged to when he was alive. I will have to give it a once over. River banks tend to attract elements of our society that stink more than my favorite catfish bait. If all goes well though, I picture quite a few days if fishing with my two pups; BillWilly and B.W.. I have to get my money out of them, seeing I spent my retirement savings when they became ill this past year.

I also need to work on some road trips. Still want to get back to Laughlin Nevada for some golf and fishing on the Colorado River. I also want to try my hand at gold panning too.

Guess all in all I don’t have time to worry about junk I have no control over, though I sure I will from time to time. It is just nice to know, that whatever the heck is going on around me, I still will be enjoying myself.

Parental Excuses

Parental Excuses

These are actual excuse notes from parents (including original spelling):

My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.

Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.

Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.

Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father’s fault.

I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don’t know what size she wear.

Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

Sally won’t be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.

Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.

Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.

Another Foamie Friday

Yup, lets hear it for beer! I have been grinding all week. Three golf matches in extremely windy conditions…..well that ain’t the issue, try three golf matches where I was unable to drink beer afterwards due to the fact the school district does not allow coaches to drink and transport players! Give me the good ol’ days when I was in high school and my building construction teacher kept a twelve pack of Mille High Life bottles in his office fridge. I remember him sending to fetch him an ice pack, and he warned me not to touch his beer. While I did not touch em’, I did stand and stare at em’ like I had found a Playboy magazine. And my history teacher who kept a warm up bottle of bourbon for his morning coffee. Yes, the good old days.

Anyways, I am down to thirty-one working days, which means after today, I am down to six Fridays. Once vacation hits, everyday becomes foamie, and every hour is happy, and this Hillbilly is reminded why he graduated college: To weasel into a job that affords me my chosen lifestyle: Don’t work hard,and make just enough money to drink beer, golf, fish, hit the gym, bbq, and feed the dogs. This is also why God keeps me poor: He knows how dangerous a rich, non-working Hillbilly can be. Charlie Sheem is Charlie Brown compared to me:)

Easter Break Is Here

One of the upsides working for a public school is not always the amount of time of, but the “Days” off. I am a stickler for Christian Holidays as are many of my co-workers. We make sure to go out of our way to say things like, “Christmas”, and “Easter breaks” instead of “Holiday and “Spring Breaks”.

I am so tired of the pandering to the Whiney Minority. It does not cause cancer to hear our read the words Christmas or Easter. I will take this rant a step further. I am tired og the hyphenated American labels. If I see a dude committing a crime, I am giving a physical description….black, white, Asian, male female, fat, skinny,big Hooters, pointy head, hairy ears, pencil neck, ect…

I wonder if there is a white dude sitting in and African school demanding to be called American-African? Of course not! Only in America can you find folks that are so self loathing, they have to create a racial or religious controversy to distract them from their very own short comings.

Runways Freeways And Fairways: Two Of These Things Don’t Go Together!

Freshly back from a day of high school league golf, and I am ready for another round. At least today’s match will be in a very quiet, secluded venue. Yesterday’s match was a great time, but sadly, the course is bordered by a small plane airport, and a major freeway.

So much for hearing the birds chirp and the leaves rustle gently in the breeze. Nope, small planes, mostly props, taking off for the S.F. bay area every thirty to sixty seconds. It sounds like a fleet of flying lawn mowers taking off. As for the freeway? The main artery from the San Joaquin Valley to San Fransisco and the bay area is the northern border of the course! The only description I can think of is think of the freeway as a pile of poop and sugar, and the cars, and trucks are ants and cockroaches who have tapeworms! They never stop moving.

Now that I think about, the intrusion into our daily, and personal lives by the federal government is much the same. We are the fairways, and the Fed is the ever-present, noisy runway/freeway and those darn bugs are represent politicians/laws that plague us Americans that just want to be left alone on our fairways to play golf. No matter how good or bad we are at the game/life.

Yeah, but what do I know, my claim to fame is being able to eat multiple Habaneros and swig gallons of beer on a Monday morning:)

Sorry for the slight injection of politics, but it has been quite awhile since I went American Terrorist!