Recent Observations By The Hillbilly

I just have to share a couple of classic, and hilarious things I have witnessed in the past few days. Thankfully, none of them are involve me, beer, and mud. So here they are:

Meth Head Broad riding a multiple speed bike, in first gear peddling a hundred miles wearing sweat pants, tank top, and no shoes. Oh, and she was riding down an overpass, so top speed was about 30 mph. In tweaker miles, it was a 108 mph!

Yellow hat, bright orange shirt, shorts, and shoes. This is what a guy was wearing yesterday on the driving range at the golf course. A couple of thoughts here: Gramps realizes he is of the age he can wear, and do anything he pleases. Two: He is in the California Department of Transportation Hall of Fame. ( These workers wear bright orange uniforms for those of you who are not living in Cali.) Three; he has been so emasculated that his wife now dresses him from head to toe. Thing is, Neon Gramps could pound whitey pretty good. He has a decent swing, so us fellow golfers won’t give him the business about his duds, just give him grief over the fact his wife does not allow him to wear his testicles anymore.

Random Thoughts About Nothing

I am having a “Seinfeld” type of day. Why do women wear britches with slogans like ” Baby Doll” or “Princess” slapped on the rear? Usually the gals wearing them should have “Wide Load” or “Barking Spiders” posted.

Why do guys wear matching jeans and shirts that have beads and studs all over them? I get the fact that young kids think they are cool, but I am talking mid 30ish dudes rocking this crap. Yup, I bet all the best ladies are beating a path to date these geeks!

What’s with the “Shark Boy” hair cuts? Guys grease these things up and put on their beaded clothes. What the hee ever happened to a pair of 505’s, a Polo shirt, and some Sperry’s? Oh, that’s right, we don’t live in our parents’ basements and play “Dungeons and Dragons.”

What going on with the current selection of T.V. shows? Has there got to be a fairy, and a stupid white guy in every one of them? Give me The Rockford Files and Magnum P.I. back. Real men with good hearts and no hankerings for a ” Man-Bride.”

Why does every commercial that cast an actor to be a criminals have to be white? If you have not noticed, you will now.

Speaking of commercials, what the heck are the two bath tubs doing in the Cialis ads? Maybe the guy is playing “Das Boot”, or he is telling his gal, ” Look, no hands”

Is it just me, or is the Most Interesting Man in the world from the beer ads the just a buzzed bastard that sticks his snout into everybody’s business? I swear I have sat next to him many times over the years.

Why would you have to tell anybody not to eat yellow snow? How would Stevie Wonder know the difference?

Why doesn’t Big Foot look for us?

Why do space aliens always butt probe people? Have they not already figured out most humans are full of crap already? Maybe they are trying to help us out by plugging the hole? Wait, I think there are a group of guys in a S.F. bath house working on the same thing.

Why do friends never tell us when we have a booger dangling from our nose, or food in our teeth? That’s right, it ain’t as much fun.

If 3 out of 4 doctors recommend something, is the one who does not smarter than the others?

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