Puppy bellies, beers, beef jerky, no shoes, loud farts, lawn chairs with beer holders, country music playing from a cheap boom box, no shoes, more beer, dogs playing, the smell of lighter fluid on the briquettes, toes in the grass, more beer, peeing on the fence, peeing on the orange tree, more beer, adding enough lighter fluid to the Q to make a mushroom cloud, change Hank jr cd to Hank sr cd, more beer, pee on grapefruit tree, clean the grill over the fire with lighter fluid, pee on the fence again, wash hands and get the meat on the grill, start counting beers that are left, flip meat, more beer, chase dogs from the grill, take shirt off and replace with favorite sleeves shirt that says” Will Work For Beer”, take meat off the grill and into the house, more beer will eat later, scratch puppy bellies, scratch my belly, hike up britches and pee on fence, change cd to Elvis Live at Las Vegas, more beer cause the party is just starting…it is only 7pm!
OK, you get the idea. Lately, I have been looking online at cities that I could move to if they meet the Hillbilly’s standards. Fernly Nevada is looking pretty good. http://www.cityoffernley.org/ I know they have a tavern with karaoke, I need a golf course, bowling alley, and fishing hole.
Yup, lets hear it for beer! I have been grinding all week. Three golf matches in extremely windy conditions…..well that ain’t the issue, try three golf matches where I was unable to drink beer afterwards due to the fact the school district does not allow coaches to drink and transport players! Give me the good ol’ days when I was in high school and my building construction teacher kept a twelve pack of Mille High Life bottles in his office fridge. I remember him sending to fetch him an ice pack, and he warned me not to touch his beer. While I did not touch em’, I did stand and stare at em’ like I had found a Playboy magazine. And my history teacher who kept a warm up bottle of bourbon for his morning coffee. Yes, the good old days.
Anyways, I am down to thirty-one working days, which means after today, I am down to six Fridays. Once vacation hits, everyday becomes foamie, and every hour is happy, and this Hillbilly is reminded why he graduated college: To weasel into a job that affords me my chosen lifestyle: Don’t work hard,and make just enough money to drink beer, golf, fish, hit the gym, bbq, and feed the dogs. This is also why God keeps me poor: He knows how dangerous a rich, non-working Hillbilly can be. Charlie Sheem is Charlie Brown compared to me:)
Last month: $1,500 to save the lives of Bill-Will and B.W. Thank goodness for monthly payments from a good friend who happens to be my vet. Now, I find my reliable truck has a blown head gasket! Nope, I don’t have a good buddy who is a mechanic. I could do it myself, but I lack a couple of important tools to complete the job. Of course, it is a $1,500 repair. Looks like I might be looking for a summer season job.
Ya put these bills together, along with the friggin’ out of control government nailing me for $700, and this good ol’ Hillbilly is left with a whole lot of negative nothin!
I am not even sure that there are 10 things I don’t like, but here are the ones that jump into my dome:
Sweet potatoes. Can’t stand them in any way, shape or form.
Ham, yup, I do not like ham. It is the only pork product I don’t like. Give me pickled feet, ears, and the almighty BACON anytime.
SPAM: Don’t know the food group, or what animal this stuff comes from, but eating food that looks like somebody else chewed it ain’t my mug of beer.
Humus: What the heck is this junk? Had it the other day on a cracker. Yuk, rather like the bottom of a diary man’s boot on a rainy day.
Pumpkin: Sweet potato’s rancid cousin!
OK, this is enough for now. I was preparing for lunch but now I think I will have to wait a few minutes to settle my gut worm down:)
BTW, feel free to give me any recipes that make any of the above likable by this Hillbilly…without a case of beer!
I think it is the Travel Channel that airs Man vs Food, and now called Man vs. Food Nation. I like to see how different places throughout America shovels up their grub. My favorite shows have the host, Adam Richmond, attempting a “hotter than heck” food challenge. Reason being, is that there is not a dish on the planet that is so hot, that this Hillbilly can’t eat it.
Yeah, I hear it all the time from some of my pals. “You would never be able to handle the infamous Ghost Pepper.” Of course, these are the same chuckle heads that bet me I could not eat 5 fresh Habanero peppers. That earned me a week’s supply of Keystone Light:)
So, back to the show. I was thinking that somebody should go into business making the various meals shown on this show. If you have not seen the show, here is a glimpse:
I am not quite sure if I have ten favorite eats…maybe less, might be more. But here is a list of stuff I love to fill my boiler with.
Rib-Eye steak from the grill. I don’t even need any side fixins with this chunk of bovine. About 5-7 minutes a side, and let the blood flow when I bite into it.
A-1 Sauce sandwich. Yup, I love the A-1! I can even swig it from the bottle in a hunger frenzy. A couple of slices of toasted wheat bread, and a healthy pour and I am off to the races. It also works great with a king size dinner roll. Just smash a hole into the roll, and fill with the sauce. Good times.
Grilled jalapenos stuffed with Habaneros peppers. This is a Hillbilly staple. Buy the biggest jalapenos you can get, crop the tops, and stuff the Habaneros in. Put in foil, add a copious amount of butter, and grill. This is insanely good, and hot to boot. Will leave you drooling uncontrollably.
Chocolate cake in a bowl of milk. So flippin good that there is nothing left to say but “give me more”!
Oysters; raw or grilled. Just put them in hot suace and get the party started.
Bacon and Mayo sandwich. Got to be on white bread.
Canned sardines in hot mustard sauce.
Cottage cheese mixed with A-1 sauce. Told you I love the A-1.
OK, I just have made myself to darn hungry to carry on. I am going to bust into my lunch pail right now and have some canned Mackeral and Thousand Island Dressing. No, I will not share. 🙂
No, no, no, I am not making another beer reference…yet! I am talking about my political news black out. It is an amazing fact that life is quite fun when I dumb myself down. It allows my very high functioning CPU to work on other things. Like spending more time outdoors with the dogs in the backyard. Getting my fishing gear in order for this summer; watch out catfish, the Hillbilly is coming for ya! Cleaning out the garage, though there ain’t much to move other than the dust. I have also spent many an hour watching my james Bond Marathon Theatre, seeing I have all the movies.
I also find I steer clear of political topics in conversations I have with my beer drinking pals down at the watering hole. More time to discuss sports, food, beer and such. It is, and has been a nice break, and one I think I am going to continue for bit longer. There is one draw back to this Blackout of mine: I really miss pissing off people, well the ones I meet for the first time.
OK, now for a Hillbilly Moment. Growing up on the farm, I always had plenty of animals, especially chickens. During the spring, it was not uncommon to have 20-30 baby chicks hatch. Sometimes, there would be a chick that was a slacker. So I always checked the pile of un-hatched eggs to make sure everyone who was alive, made it out. I can remember th foul, bitter smell of the rotten egg! I used to chuck the un-exploded ones like a grenade against the rabbit barn. I could always tell which had a bird by gently shaking the egg. These I would crack and peel slowly, sometimes having to put them in a bowl, to dry the chick out in the sun. After a few hours, they would pop to life and join the rest in the brood. But there was one that, for some reason, a piece of the shell stuck to her little leg. I must have tugged a bit too hard, and broke her leg. I went and retrieved a tooth pick and some duct tape so I could make a splint
I am shutting er’ down for a few days. Time to eat some turkey, drink some beers, and remember that God and freedom is what life is all about. I am not going to worry about the folks who now represent roughly 53 percent of the voting population who give to those who don’t earn it, and all those who willing steal from the 47 percent who earn their keep through hard work. And I will not even mention the immoral folks that infect our government all the way to the highest seat in the nation who do not believe freedom and self-reliance is a God-given right. Remember the line from Barry,” If you own your own business, you did not build it on your own.” I hope Barry “Snarts” in his white golf britches in mid-swing!
Yup, home skillet says he is Too Fat for the needle. Too Fat, sounds like a Chinese rapper. The guy I am talking about shot a hotel employee back in 83. How the heck does a dude get to be this weight while in prison? Was he eating his cellmates? Maybe he weighed 900 pounds at the start of his sentence, and has lost weight since then? I have a great way to put him down? BAste him in butter and chives for four hours, then throw him in the electric chair for 3-5 minutes, toss him in a body bag with carrots and taters, and feed him to that cannibal guy who just got convicted of eating dudes! Better yet, make him do Zumba til his pump gives out! Then feed him to Cannibal guy and call him Sushi.
Ronald Post, who shot and killed a hotel clerk in northern Ohio almost 30 years ago, said his weight, vein access, scar tissue and other medical problems raise the likelihood his executioners would encounter severe problems. He’s also so big that the execution gurney might not hold him, lawyers for Post said in federal court papers filed Friday.
Just keeps getting better all the time. Talk about blatantly breaking his vow to uphold the Constitution. I am amazed we still have any borders left at all!
The Mexican government has been working with the United States Department of Agriculture to increase participation in the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP), or food stamps.
USDA has an agreement with Mexico to promote American food assistance programs, including food stamps, among Mexican Americans, Mexican nationals and migrant communities in America.
“USDA and the government of Mexico have entered into a partnership to help educate eligible Mexican nationals living in the United States about available nutrition assistance,” the USDA explains in a brief paragraph on their “Reaching Low-Income Hispanics With Nutrition Assistance” web page. “Mexico will help disseminate this information through its embassy and network of approximately 50 consular offices.”
Proud Military Mom's Common Sense Blog
Just a working class, empty nesting, life long Democrat disgusted with the DNC, the Democratic Party, the ‘RULZ’ Committee and the power brokers who think we should all fall in line and vote for the selectee. Country before party every time!
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Right Wing Theocrat
Yes liberals, your worst nightmares about Conservatives, Christian theocracies, gun toting, hanging pedophiles, lowering taxes, burning your pot, making you work and all that are really true.
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theconservativehillbilly 
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