Whack-A-Hillbilly

Yup, just popping up from my summer of fun, beer and bowling. I have been a blogging junkie for many years now, but I am happy to know that I can put the keyboard down, take off the tin foil lid, and still have a great time. Bowling average has gone from 125 to 170. Rolled my first 200 league game today, and now am headed to Marcella’s for some 32 ounces of Colorado gold!
Don’t worry, work starts back up on August 7th, so that means I will return to my Hillbilly blogging ways. Since I am also taking a break from following politics, has Barry Hussein choked on a pretzel yet?

God Bless
John D. Heaton III

Hillbilly’s Hiatus

Yup, I am on a serious hiatus here. every summer since 02 I have spent many a day writing, and re-posting articles here. Well, this summer I have made it a point to step back from all of my blogging, and surfing of the net. I have also tuned out of politics of all levels too. Yes, I saw what that puke John Roberts did. I say drug test him. Forced federal health care is unconstitutional and almost all Americans know it. But for now, D.C. and all of the elected filth can kiss my ass, cause I am deep into vacation mode. Got the bowling average over 160…I stated at 120! Hitting the gym hard and proving father time can be put on hold.

So I apologize to all my friends here, for me not being around, but this Hillbilly needs some major down time this summer.
God Bless y’all.
John D. Heaton III

Chappin’ My Hide!

Ok, Rantbilly in the barn! Why does vending machine dude put a diet Pepsi in the Diet Cherry Pepsi slot? Why does gas station guy not put soap in the window wash water? Why does piglet guy pee on the staff’s bathroom toilet seat? Why do the new style quarters not work in most vending machines? Why do public libraries smell like sweating bums?

OK, I am better now!

Kayak Fishing Boat

Ok, this Hillbilly needs to find a spare $1,500. I need this for my summer fishing! The Hillbilly word of the day is: FISHABILITY

Blogging On Sunday Because Monday Is A Fun Day

Yup, I usually keep to the back yard and local watering holes on the weekends, but this coming wee is a bit different from the norm. My golf team, and the rest of the league is headed to a really nice golf course just outside of Antioch California: Roddy Ranch G.C. It is built-in and around a working cattle ranch. It is a links style course to boot! In my golfing world, links means wide open fairways!

So The Hillbilly is breaking routine today. No beers, or back yard shenanigans. Instead, 3 good hours of practice the range, and a wee bit of blogging to make up for Monday, which is normally a big blog day for me.

I am hoping the weather will cooperate. We had a big rain storm blow through my town, and it looks as though it hit Roddy Ranch pretty good also. Yup, just my luck, an hour ride in the van to the course, get rained out, and another hour back to school/work. I only have 8 working days til Easter Break with a golf tourney and 3 matches mixed in. Man, the life of an educated, golf playin’ Hillbilly is rough! 🙂

Children Are Quick

Children Are Quick
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TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
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TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.
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TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell ‘crocodile?’
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L’
TEACHER: No, that’s wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this child)
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TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it’s H to O.
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TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
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TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ‘ I. ‘
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie….. Always say, ‘I am.’
MILLIE: All right… ‘I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.’
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TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree,
but also admitted it.
Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn’t punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand…..
______________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don’t have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on ‘My Dog’ is exactly the same as your brother’s..
Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It’s the same dog.

(I want to adopt this kid!!!)
___________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people
are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher

Ten Things You Need To Know About S.3827, The DREAM Act

Ten Things You Need To Know About S.3827, The DREAM Act

http://cfif.org/v/index.php/commentary/58-immigration/821-ten-things-you-need-to-know-about-s3827-the-dream-act
1. The DREAM Act Is NOT Limited to Children, And It Will Be Funded On the Backs Of Hard Working, Law-Abiding Americans

Proponents of the DREAM Act frequently claim the bill offers relief only to illegal alien “kids.” Incredibly, previous versions of the DREAM Act had no age limit at all, so illegal aliens of any age who satisfied the Act’s requirements—not just children—could obtain lawful permanent resident (LPR) status. In response to this criticism, S.3827 includes a requirement that aliens be under the age of 35 on the date of enactment to be eligible for LPR status. Even with this cap, many aliens would be at least 41 years old before obtaining full LPR status under the Act—hardly the “kids” the Act’s advocates keep talking about.

The DREAM Act requires that DHS/USCIS process all DREAM Act applications (applications that would require complex, multi-step adjudication) without being able to increase fees to handle processing. This mandate would require either additional Congressional appropriations, or for USCIS, a primarily fee-funded agency, to raise fees on other types of immigration benefit applications. This would unfairly spread the cost of administering the DREAM Act legalization program among applicants and petitioners who have abided by U.S. laws and force taxpayers to pay for amnesty. Taxpayers would also be on the hook for all Federal benefits the DREAM Act seeks to offer illegal aliens, including student loans and grants.

2. The DREAM Act PROVIDES SAFE HARBOR FOR ANY ALIEN, Including Criminals, From Being Removed or Deported If They Simply Submit An Application

Although DREAM Act proponents claim it will benefit only those who meet certain age, presence, and educational requirements, amazingly the Act protects ANY alien who simply submits an application for status no matter how frivolous. The bill forbids the Secretary of Homeland Security from removing “any alien who has a pending application for conditional status” under the DREAM Act—regardless of age or criminal record—providing a safe harbor for all illegal aliens. This loophole will open the floodgates for applications that could stay pending for many years or be litigated as a delay tactic to prevent the illegal aliens’ removal from the United States. The provision will further erode any chances of ending the rampant illegality and fraud in the existing system.

3. Certain Criminal Aliens Will Be Eligible For Amnesty Under The DREAM Act

Certain categories of criminal aliens will be eligible for the DREAM Act amnesty, including alien gang members and aliens with misdemeanor convictions, even DUIs. The DREAM Act allows illegal aliens guilty of the following offenses to be eligible for amnesty: alien absconders (aliens who failed to attend their removal proceedings), aliens who have engaged in voter fraud or unlawfully voted, aliens who have falsely claimed U.S. citizenship, aliens who have abused their student visas, and aliens who have committed marriage fraud. Additionally, illegal aliens who pose a public health risk, aliens who have been permanently barred from obtaining U.S. citizenship, and aliens who are likely to become a public charge are also eligible.

4. Estimates Suggest That At Least 2.1 Million Illegal Aliens Will Be Eligible For the DREAM Act Amnesty. In Reality, We Have No Idea How Many Illegal Aliens Will Apply

Section 4(d) of the DREAM Act waives all numerical limitations on green cards, and prohibits any numerical limitation on the number of aliens eligible for amnesty under its provisions. The Migration Policy Institute estimates that the DREAM Act will make approximately 2.1 million illegal aliens eligible for amnesty. It is highly likely that the number of illegal aliens receiving amnesty under the DREAM Act will be much higher than the estimated 2.1 million due to fraud and our inherent inability to accurately estimate the illegal alien population. Clearly, the message sent by the DREAM Act will be that if any young person can enter the country illegally, within 5 years, they will be placed on a path to citizenship.

5. Illegal Aliens Will Get In-State Tuition Benefits

The DREAM Act will allow illegal aliens to qualify for in-state tuition, even when it is not being offered to U.S. citizens and legally present aliens living just across state lines. Section 3 of the DREAM Act repeals Section 505 of the Illegal Immigration Reform and Immigrant Responsibility Act of 1996 (8 U.S.C. 1623) which prohibits giving education benefits to an unlawfully present individual unless that same benefit is offered to all U.S. citizens.

6. The DREAM Act Does Not Require That An Illegal Alien Finish Any Type of Degree (Vocational, Two-Year, or Bachelor’s Degree) As A Condition of Amnesty

DREAM Act supporters would have you believe that the bill is intended to benefit illegal immigrants who have graduated from high school and are on their way to earning college degrees. However, the bill is careful to ensure that illegal alien high school drop-outs will also be put on a pathway to citizenship – they simply have to get a GED and be admitted to “an institution of higher education,” defined by the Higher Education Act of 1965.

Under the Higher Education Act, an “institution of higher education” includes institutions that provide 2-year programs (community colleges) and any “school that provides not less than a 1-year program of training to prepare students for gainful employment” (a vocational school). Within 8 years of the initial grant of status, the alien must prove only that they finished 2 years of a bachelor’s degree program, not that they completed any program or earned any degree.

If the alien is unable to complete 2 years of college but can demonstrate that their removal would result in hardship to themselves or their U.S. citizen or LPR spouse, child, or parent, the education requirement can be waived altogether.

7. The DREAM Act does not require that an illegal alien serve in the military as a condition for amnesty, and There is ALREADY A Legal Process In Place For Illegal Aliens to Obtain U.S. Citizenship Through Military Service

DREAM Act supporters would have you believe that illegal aliens who don’t go to college will earn their citizenship through service in the U.S. Armed Forces. However, the bill does not require aliens to join the U.S. Armed Forces (the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marine Corps, or Coast Guard); instead it requires enlistment in the “uniformed services.” This means that aliens need only go to work for the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration or Public Health Service for 2 years to get U.S. citizenship. If the alien is unable to complete 2 years in the “uniformed services,” and can demonstrate that their removal would result in hardship to themselves or their U.S. citizen or LPR spouse, child, or parent, the military service requirement can be waived altogether. Such claims will likely engender much litigation and place a huge burden on DHS.

Furthermore, under current law (10 USC § 504), the Secretary of Defense can authorize the enlistment of illegal aliens. Once enlisted in the U.S. Armed Forces, under 8 USC § 1440, these illegal aliens can become naturalized citizens through expedited processing, often obtaining U.S. citizenship in six months.

8. Despite Their Current Illegal Status, DREAM Act Aliens Will Be Given All The Rights That Legal Immigrants Receive—Including The Legal Right To Sponsor Their Parents and Extended Family Members For Immigration

Under current federal law, U.S. citizens have the right to immigrate their “immediate relatives” to the U.S. without regard to numerical caps. Similarly, lawful permanent residents can immigrate their spouses and children to the U.S. as long as they retain their status. This means illegal aliens who receive amnesty under the DREAM Act will have the right to immigrate their family members—including the parents who sent for or brought them to the U.S. illegally in the first place—in unlimited numbers as soon as they become U.S. citizens (6 to 8 years after enactment) and are 21 years of age.

Additionally, amnestied aliens who become U.S. citizens will be able to petition for their adult siblings living abroad to immigrate to the U.S., further incentivizing chain migration and potentially illegal entry into the United States (for those who don’t want to wait for the petition process overseas). When an adult brother or sister receives a green card, the family (spouse and children) of the adult sibling receive green cards as well.

9. Current Illegal Aliens Will Get Federal Student Loans, Federal Work Study Programs, and Other Forms of Federal Financial Aid

Section 10 of the DREAM Act allows illegal aliens amnestied under the bill’s provisions to qualify for federal student assistance under Title IV of the Higher Education Act of 1965 (20 U.S.C. 1001 et seq.) in the form of federal student loans (Stafford Loans, Perkins Loans, Federal Direct Stafford/Ford Loans), federal work-study programs, and other federal education services such as tutoring and counseling.

10. DHS Is Prohibited From Using the Information Provided By Illegal Aliens Whose DREAM Act Amnesty Applications Are Denied To Initiate Their Removal Proceedings or Investigate or Prosecute Fraud in the Application Process

When an illegal alien’s DREAM Act amnesty application is denied, the bill states that the alien will revert to their “previous immigration status,” which is likely illegal or deportable. The bill, however, prohibits using any of the information contained in the amnesty application (name, address, length of illegal presence that the alien admits to, etc) to initiate a removal proceeding or investigate or prosecute fraud in the application process. Thus, it will be extremely hard for DHS to remove aliens who they now know are illegally present in the U.S., because illegal aliens will be able to claim that the legal action is a product of the amnesty application, and DHS will have the nearly impossible task of proving a negative.

The Honorable Jeff Sessions is a Republican U.S. Senator from Alabama.

Who Stole My Weekend?

Well, maybe it i was not stolen, but it sure seems like it. I once again completed another blog-free weekend. I also, made it for the most part, a news free one too. So what the heck does the Hillbilly do when he is not blogging to save his country? Well, there is always beer involved at some point. A typical weekend starts off with a breakfast at some local diner. My two favorite spots include a diner inside of one of the bowling alleys, and another called Ridgway’s. Both are of classical design. Long counters, and 60’s, 70’s decor, and lots of grub for your buck. Why people prefer joints like Denny’s or IHOP, is beyond me. Your cookie cutter spots are always consistent in their portions, as where the smaller, individualistic places can offer some great surprises. Like extra large portions of thick cut bacon,and menu specials. This past Saturday, I had a corn beef, Swiss cheese melt scramble with red and white onions. It was so good, I did not know if I should eat it, or date it! Shoot, it took me an extra couple of miles to run it off.

Once the breakfast is over, it is back home to do some light yard work, and watch some dvd’s till the eats make their way to the final resting place. Bombs away! Then it is off to the gym for a workout, and weather permitting, and it was not, to the driving range to work on the golf game. Finally, back to the Hillbilly Haven to scrub up, nap, and prepare for some cold ones.

Notice, at no time have I mentioned blogging, or even checking my blog. And news? Nope, unless it is on the Golf Channel, it ain’t being watched. I figure if I keep the ratio 2:5, I will maintain my sanity, whatever that is, and still be able to save the world. If it were reversed, I would probably end up my Elvis; carrying a case full of meds, and dying on the crapper from “straining Stool.” Kinda of a shitty way to go:)

Getting This Hillbilly Party Started

As many of you are well aware, the Hillbilly loves his dogs,beer,country music, and weekends. So I don’t do much bloggin’ from sundown Friday to sun up Monday. So I thought I would exit, stage left with a tune or two!

T-47 And Counting

Of course, I am referring to how many work days I have left until the summer vacation. Or as I like to call it; “The Summer of John.” I ripped this saying from George of Seinfeld fame. Sadly, the real life George, Jason Alexander, is a flaming liberal. Any way, I am not going to let a liberal, or anyone else get in the way of my countdown to summer time.

Every year I have worked at my school, the time has gone by quicker than the previous year. I work 181 days. There are roughly 20 days that are 12 hour plus, but they are fun. There are times when I get tired of the parent, or parents, that act as though they are students. Like trying to sneak into an event without paying, or cursing at the refs, or other parents. What is really swell is that I am a bit older than most of these folks, and in better shape! So I am able to treat them like the immature brats that they are. I actually enjoy watching an adult thro a hissy fit!
One of the best is when I would not allow a mom to enter the gym with a large coffee, that was in a paper cup. No school in our league allows drinks, other than water, into the gyms. We have the newest, and best facility in the valley. So when I informed Hornet Lady (mascot of her kid’s school) she could not enter, she reverted to kid mode. “Well, there are no signs saying I can’t snap HL. “Yes, ma’am, it is right behind states the Hillbilly.” “Well, all the other schools allow it.” “Sorry ma’am, I work administration duty for away games, and no they do not.” Well snaps HL, everybody in this gym has drinks.” Nope ma’am, they don’t,and I am talking to you and not everybody.” “WELL, FINE,” and with that, HL throws her coffee away and storms into the gym, and sits by Mr.HL. I can tell she is telling him the story,according to her vision of reality, and the next thing I see is Mr. HL laughing his head off! I don’t know what color of red HL’s face turned, but I can tell you it was never one that was found in my crayon box.:)
So my last 47 days break down like this: Monday through Thursdays are either golf practice, or golf match days. 3 of these days are full day tourneys. I have 5 minimum days mixed in, and Easter Break starts on Good Friday. Bottom line, I am so short, I could parachute off of a dime! I have to jump up to scratch a snakes belly. And it won’t be long until I am a single digit midget!